I want my money back! Do you offer refunds?
Yessir, we do. Please get in touch so we may issue a refund. Refunds may take a while to reflect as they’re dependent on the bank involved.
Tell me about your returns policy.
We’ll accept any return as long as it’s not opened and it’s sent back within 3 weeks. We do, however, charge a 15% restocking fee. We say ‘restocking fee’, it’s actually just a small amount we pay our Apes with.
Is there a discount for bulk orders?
We definitely do. If you’re interested in ordering large quantities or even stocking some of our items, please get in touch so we can sort out the finer details and hook you up.
Can I track my order?
Yes. You’ll receive a tracking number after USPS has sent out your package. Please note that it takes some time for tracking to go live, due to packages being scanned and loaded into transport and the Empire setting up trade barricades.
How long will it take to receive my parcel if I’m overseas?
This depends on where you’re situated, but anywhere from a week to 2 weeks. Sometimes packages get caught up in customs and this is unfortunately out of our control.
We don’t like to brag (#smileyface) but our packages are delivered with a high success rate. We even sent some Rad140 back in time to help John Conner fight Skynet.
Can I change my delivery address after I ordered?
You need to contact us ASAP, as we might still be able to change the delivery address if we’re notified in time. Once a package has been sent out, we cannot change the delivery address and you’ll need to skulk around your old place until it arrives. Or just make other arrangements.
We ship the whole week, Monday through Friday, depending on when your order was placed. Orders placed before 3pm EST will be mailed on the same day and orders placed after 3pm EST will be mailed the next business day. This means that if your order was placed over a weekend, we’ll only ship it on Monday.
Our orders are shipped using Priority International Mail and are usually delivered in 2-6 days (within the U.S). The actual arrival of your package may depend on whether delivery falls over a holiday(s), if USPS is closed or if you’re not home and there’s a pitbull lying on the porch.
Check your email to ensure you receive your order receipt after paying. Every order receives a confirmation within 24 hours. If you don’t receive an email, please get in touch so we can sort you out. It may either be because we don’t have your correct email address, or that the confirmation ended up in your spam.
You can track your order on usps.com using the tracking number provided.
In the case that your package is returned to us as undeliverable, we’ll get in touch and sort it out. You may be liable to pay for a delivery reattempt. Don’t be mad, that’s just how it works.
Where can you ship?
We ship worldwide. There are a few countries we do not ship to as parcels get confiscated or boats disappear in the Bermuda Triangle.
The onus is on you to ensure you are complying with your countries laws and border / importation policies. We can’t take responsibility for packages being seized by customs.
Also, if you live in the Sahara, we don’t ship there.
How do I pay for my order?
We currently accept Cryptocurrency and Paypal. When you place an order and proceed to checkout, you’ll notice that there is a Cryptocurrency guide. If you’re having any problems with payment, please contact us on email@example.com and we’ll try and sort you out.
Do you really need my phone number?
We want to send you some selfies…
No, not really. We only did that once.
WE WILL NOT USE OR SPREAD YOUR NUMBER.
This may be necessary with regards to some banks and shipping.
My transaction keeps getting rejected, what do I do?
Either you’re broke or there’s a problem at your bank. Please contact your bank to ensure there aren’t any problems on their side.
How do I store your products and what are their respective shelf-lives?
Most of our products will survive nuclear fallout. Luckily, we don’t have to worry about that. It is important though to keep your products stored in a cool, dry place, out of direct sunlight. This will ensure longest possible shelf-life, up until 3 years. We also don’t ship items that are nearing expiration.
I’m not satisfied with my order. What do I do?
Although very unlikely, good question. Please contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org so we can sort you out.
My liquids have crystals in them. Surely this isn’t right?
Some compounds act and react differently to heat, movement and shipping. When it’s cold, some liquids may crystalize and look slightly strange. Extreme heat may compromise compound integrity, but in general all compounds have slight differences in appearance and makeup. If you are really worried, send us an email with pictures attached.
Why did I get less liquid than advertised?
There are a few reasons for this. You’ll notice that the dropper will be full of liquid. Sometimes, because bottles are handcrafted, they might differ in size. Some bottles hold less than 40ml, whilst others hold more.
You needn’t worry though. The important thing is that all our products have the correct dose of active ingredient. This means that even if a bottle is filled with 36ml, instead of 40ml, your bottle will be dosed as it is labelled.
Are your products legit?
Yes, 3rd party tests are available after orders are placed. We have COA’s for all our products and take pride in the quality of our research chemicals. Also, our returning customers will concur. Check out the reviews on our Facebook page if you’re uncertain.